Pantene Markets New Shampoo As Best For Masturbating Boyfriend In Shower
CINCINATTI—”If you have difficult-to-manage hair and a two-hander to contend with, Pantene Pro V2 has got you covered,” said spokeswoman Karen Radcliffe.
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[audio] Craziest Thing In World Happens To Area Woman
Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redland
Moving On Up To The Cheap Side!
Well, hello there, loyal readers. So good of you to drop by. Please, won’t you step into the foyer? Or at least point to it and tell me where it…
[video] Advocacy Group Decries PETA’s Inhumane Treatment Of Women
Women Deserve Better says PETA abuses defenseless, simple-minded women by forcing them to remove their clothes and participate in humiliating publicity stunts.
Ex-Wife, Divorce Lawyer Killed As Model Train Careens Off Tracks
KOFSKY BASEMENT—In an accident that model train conductor Howard Kofsky called “a real goddamn shame,” an 8-inch passenger car carrying his…
Cost To Raise Child Exceeds 200,000
According to a report from the United States Department of Agriculture, it will cost a total of $221,190 to raise a child born in 2008. What do…
Sports: Tony Dungy Casually Asks Michael Vick If Dogfighting Was Fun
HAMPTON, VIRGINIA—During a preseason conditioning workout Tuesday, Michael Vick’s de facto mentor, Tony Dungy, peppered the troubled…